Hope
by MercyMe
Summary: Ever wonder what was going through the mind of one Professor R. J. Lupin? This is pretty much PoA (the movie) through his eyes. 2 New chapters!
1. Chapter 1

Hope

Author's Note: This has got to be the most complicated story I have written to date. I have watched PoA so much that when I suggest a movie, my kids roll their eyes. While watching it one evening, I started wondering what was going through the mind of one Professor R. J. Lupin. So I decided that this was an area I wanted to explore. This story started off being PoA (the movie) from Remus' point of view. I couldn't figure out whether or not this would be AU or not since I have some things happening that never happened in the movie or the book. But since then the story decided to help me out by taking on a life of its own. It has decided for me, that it will definitely be AU.

_Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to the brilliant Ms. J. K. Rowling. I don't own them although if I did, I wouldn't be using the computer at the public library, now would I?_

Chapter 1

I step through the barrier and then there it is. The Hogwarts Express. My heart is in my throat. In the blink of an eye, I am lost, lost in the memories of anther lifetime. I remember what I felt back then. Back when I saw that magnificent train for the first in what was to be many rides. Anticipation, anxiety, excitement, happiness, fear and even loneliness. Loneliness is the one emotion I still feel every day.

How long I stand there, I don't know. Someone bumps into me, shaking me back to the present, quietly reminding me of the task in front of me. Apologies are said and then I'm off. Off to return to the one place I have only visited in my dreams.

I make my way wearily aboard. My feet, they seem to have a mind of their own as they carry me down that all too familiar path. Opening the door to the empty compartment, I suddenly feel about a hundred years older. I settle into the spot that was always mine all those years ago, drifting off to dream of the days when I rode this train for an entirely different reason.

Hearing my name, I wake. For a brief instant, I imagine it was one of them, one of the four I lost. My heart leaps and then falls as I remember. I listen to the conversation flowing around my head. Sirius is mentioned. With a jolt, I realize who one of those voices must belong to. Harry.

I am drifting off again, when I feel the window beside my head become as cold as a sheet of ice. It grows colder and I feel Harry tense up next to me. It becomes alarmingly clear why. I spring to my feet, wand in my outstretched hand. The thing is gone as quickly as it had appeared. I look back. Harry is slumped over, glasses on the bench beside him. The girl is calling his name as he awakens. She hands him his glasses. The red-head with them, I'm guessing, would be Arthur and Molly's son.

Harry wants to know what that was. A dementor I tell him, handing him a piece of chocolate as I explain. I walk to the door, giving them the excuse of needing to talk to the driver. The truth is Harry wasn't the only one who was affected by the dementor. I reach back into my pocket and break off another piece of chocolate, this time for myself.

We arrive at Hogwarts after the carriage ride from the station. I am greeted by Albus, Minerva, and Poppy. Minerva asks after Harry. He's fine, gave him some chocolate, I tell them. Poppy smiles and Minerva beams and Albus is, well, Albus. Minerva and Poppy leave us. Minerva, to collect the first years from Hagrid, Poppy to head to the Great Hall.

Albus' eyes lose their twinkle as he warns me of Severus' objections to my coming. I'm not surprised, I tell Albus. As long as he himself has no regrets about me, then I can handle Severus.

Looking out over the Great Hall, I let my eyes roam over each House, leaving Gryffindor for last. I see the ghosts. Not Sir Nicholas, the Fat Friar, the Grey Lady, or even the Bloody Baron. No, I see a different set of ghosts. The ghosts of Peter, James, Lily, and Sirius. Beside me, I can hear Severus talking. I guess he's trying to make me lose my temper, but I am so busy watching the ghosts in my own mind that his words do not faze me any.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

In the coming days, I spend a lot of time with Harry. I watched his face that day from a distance. His friends left to visit Hogsmeade without him. He needs a friend right now, not a professor. We walk around the grounds in an attempt to distract his thoughts from his friends. Our talk turns to the dementor on the train. He tells me he heard a woman scream. When he says he thinks it might have been his mother, I clinch my jaw tightly together to keep from howling in grief. Instead, I talk to him, moving away as to stifle the temptation to pull him into a bone crushing hug. I know it would only frighten him.

Days later, I am about to leave my classroom for the comfort of my chambers when Sir Nicholas informs me of Severus' intention to get Harry into trouble for being out of his dormitory after curfew.

Thanking Nick, I head out in the direction of where Severus was last seen. I am not far away when I hear Harry's voice. I choke down a laugh as Harry repeats something I never expected to hear. But then again, I never expected to be back here. Harry has the map, that much I'm sure of. Oops, time to stop Severus from doing something he may regret.

Calling out, I carefully shift his attention to me. His head whips around. Severus makes a crack about me and moonlight. I ignore it. Zonkos. I swallow down a laugh. If he only knew! As a teacher, I can't allow Harry to keep the map. As me, I want to look over this masterpiece I helped to create. I want to feel it under my fingertips, tracing every line on its surface, reliving the past, one wall at a time.

Back in my classroom, I can't help myself from letting my anger boil to the surface. I can't bear to lose him like I lost all the others. Harry doesn't bother trying to explain his actions. I tell him to go back to his dormitory. Almost as an after thought, he tells me he doesn't think the map works. Of course it works. I can't begin to count the number of times we used it since the day we finally perfected it. It showed someone in the castle, someone he knew to be dead, he says. I couldn't help myself if I'd tried. Who? Peter Pettigrew? That's not possible and I tell him exactly that. That's what he saw?

I stand in shock as Harry says goodnight and leaves. As soon as he is out of sight, I sink to the floor. My mind is a mass of confusion and grief. It's just not possible. If Harry SAW Peter, then this means…… Sirius! Merlin, Sirius never was their Secret Keeper! In that instant, it became horrifyingly clear. At the last minute, unbeknownst to me or anyone else, they had changed to Peter. I broke down then. My heart broke into a million pieces as tears ran unchecked down my face. Sirius had NOT betrayed James and Lily. I had betrayed Sirius by not believing in him. I do not sleep a wink all night.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

With a heavy heart, I go about my day and my classes. I can't bear to look in Harry's direction. Just a simple glance reminds me of the previous night and the shocking turn of events. I skip lunch. The mere thought of eating makes me nauseous. I can't seem to concentrate on my afternoon classes either.

It's only later when Albus visits that I realize how uncharacteristically I've been acting. He tries to make laugh by telling me how Harry had come to him worried because he'd heard a group of students calling me 'Professor LuBinns'. At least I wasn't compared to Severus, I think to myself.

Albus is insisting I accompany him to the Great Hall for dinner. I don't know if I can stomach food right now, but he has that look in his eye that clearly says he won't be satisfied with anything less than a 'Yes'.

We make our way to the staff table. Like a magnet, I am drawn to the Gryffindor table and Harry. As if he senses me looking, Harry turns and watches me. Then he purposely pushes his plate away from him. I can make out Ron asking the one question I'd like to ask. What are you doing, Harry? With words and gestures, he answers us both. He gestures from himself to his plate, then to me and then to the plate in front of me. So Mr. Potter, you'll eat when I eat? Movement at the Gryffindor table catches my eye, tearing my attention from Harry and his James 'Stubborn' Potter expression. To my utmost surprise, Harry has started a trend. Now Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, George, and my, my even Neville are all sitting at the table looking pretty much the same way. I hear something to my right that draws my attention away. Minerva storms over to my side. I don't know what you're trying to prove, Remus, but do eat something before I have half my House, not to mention the Headmaster passing out from hunger.

My head shoots up in shock. Minerva moves slightly to the left. Albus is sitting back in his chair, arms crossed, blue eyes sparkling mischievously at me. I can't help myself, I laugh. Despite all the feelings of loathing and self-disgust I have for myself right now, I can't control the laughter from escaping.

Very well, Harry, you win. I'll try to eat. I just hope you don't wind up regretting it. With a forkful of mashed potatoes, I silently raise it in salute to the son of the man who became my friend in this very Hall so many years ago.

It's after dinner that night that it happened. So unexpected. So innocent in the beginning. I'm going over some notes for my next class. Map open on the top of the desk. A quick glance finds Harry, Ron, and Hermione just outside Hagrid's cabin. Then, my world shook with the intensity of an Atomic Bomb exploding. A book sliding onto the paper I am currently examining breaks my concentration. A movement on the map's surface draws my eye to it. Harry and his friends are no longer alone. While they have left Hagrid's, somewhere along the way, they were joined by two. One is Peter Pettigrew, the other…. The other – Sirius Black.

For a moment, I can only stare in shock. I can hardly breathe with this lump in my throat. Then, I turn and walk as calmly as I can out the door leading to the tree that was placed on the grounds especially for me. How many times have I gone through this very tunnel? Soon, I am walking as quietly as possible up the stairs. I'm approaching the top when I hear Sirius' voice. I have to stop Harry from making a horrible mistake. I burst into the room to a gut wrenching sight. Harry has Sirius pinned to the floor with a hand and a shaking wand. I do the only thing I can think of. I disarm Harry.

Advancing on Sirius, wand out, I can only hope he'll understand what I'm trying to say. Finally, the flesh reflects the madness within. 'You're crazy, Siri.' In my mind, I can see us. 'You're crazy, Siri.' Gentle fingers caress my cheek. Smiling grey eyes seem to see all the way to my very soul. 'You're right. I am crazy, Re, crazy about you.' Then, out of nowhere a pillow comes flying in. James' voice breaks the stillness of the room. "We all know you're both crazy. Now, go to sleep!" I blink away the memories as I steadily advance on Sirius, still on the floor. I see his hand twitch as if he's fighting the memories in his own mind. He smiles up at me with that same smile. That breath-taking smile. You'd know all about the madness within. 'You're right.'


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Before I can even think of doing anything, Harry is striding forward, wand at the ready. To my growing horror, Harry has his wand pointed straight at Sirius. I hear the spell coming, but am frozen in shock. I am powerless to move or even think at this point.

Ron's right, Harry. What did you just do? You attacked a teacher. Harry ignores the questions from his friends. Tell you about Peter? What do you want to know? We "thought" he was our friend. Wait until I get a hold of that rat! I'll tear him limb from limb until there is nothing left of him but memories.

As Harry points his wand at Sirius again, I purposely step in the middle between them. At least with me in the way, Harry just might hesitate long enough for Siri to move. No, he didn't. You seeing Pettigrew proved to me what my heart already knew, if only my head would have listened.

He's right, Harry, listen to him. The map never lies. I think if Harry had any lingering doubts, they vanished for good when he started talking about the only thing they could find of Peter's and Siri finished the sentence for him.

Time and time again, Siri and I try to force that treacherous rat to show himself. We keep missing. Finally, just as he's about to escape, Siri succeeds in hitting his target and there he is. Peter.

Peter starts talking to Harry about James. I am fighting the wolf down as Sirius intervenes. How dare you speak to Harry! Peter runs behind the piano. Siri bars one potential escape route, I block the other.

You sold James and Lily to Voldemort, didn't you? You didn't mean to? What a load of rubbish! You're trying to tell us, that you, the person who actually was James and Lily's Secret Keeper, accidentally let the very same maniac we knew was after them, know where they were? Even if I remotely believed that to be true, which I don't, why hide out for 12 years as a rat?

What would Sirius have done, Peter? I guess that shows just how much you really knew us back when we were in school, huh? Just as I'm saying what I know Sirius would have done to myself, Siri says it out loud. I would have died rather than betray my friends. I want to sit on the floor and scream out in frustration for not being there for someone who was always there for me. I blink away my thoughts, swallow down my feelings, and concentrate on what Sirius is saying. Hmmmm…… This is becoming a habit.

He's right, Peter. You should have realized that we'd kill you. Together. When this is over with, Sirius, my love, I am going to let you know how you began to mend this heart of mine with that one word. Together.

No! rings throughout the room. Harry, this man is……. I know what he is. I am tempted to destroy the one person responsible for putting Harry, Sirius and myself through all this pain. Yes, we'll take him back to the castle. Let's do it quickly before I lose the battle with the wolf and let him do what he wants to do.

Sirius and Harry leave out first, supporting Ron. Hermione is next to go, leaving me with that double-crossing rodent. A sudden idea hits me. Pulling out my wand, I quietly mutter "**_Petrificus Totalus"_** freezing Peter in a full body-bind. After what he did to Sirius, I can not and will not take any chances. He could transform on me without warning and slip away.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Once outside, I stop short at the sight of Harry and Sirius talking a few feet away from where Ron and Hermione are. I am mesmerized by them. Hermione's shriek has all our eyes turning in her direction. She's pointing back over my shoulder. Breathlessly, I watch the clouds moving away from the moon. Bloody Hell, I couldn't have forgotten to take the Wolfsbane, could I?

Fortunately, when it comes into view, it is a beautiful crescent shaped moon that greets our eyes. The relief I feel is immeasurable.

If anyone is watching as we make our way to the castle, which I'm hoping they're not, I'm sure we make a hell of an interesting sight.

Just before we enter Hogwarts, Harry stops us. He suggests that Sirius change. I have to agree with him, even though I enjoy the simple act of watching Sirius walk in front of me. At least this way, we should be able to make it to the safety of the Headmaster's office.

Once there safely, Sirius changes back long enough to explain his side of things. When Albus sends for the Minister of Magic, Sirius shifts back to Padfoot again. In order to make sure he stays safe, Albus performs the "Notice Me Not" spell on Sirius. Aurors tend to be a bit like Muggles, they tend to shoot first and ask questions later.

Albus, Harry, Hermione and I are drinking tea when Severus arrives with the Aurors and Cornelius Fudge. Severus demands to know where Sirius is. I look at Albus, Harry, and Hermione, the latter two look scared. Fudge admonishes Severus for scaring the children by implying that they would be sitting calmly drinking tea with a killer in the same room. I take a sip of my tea to hide my smirk.

Albus tells Cornelius that he has proof the charges against Sirius are false. Cornelius wants to know what the proof is. With a wave of Albus' wand, Peter's still frozen form is revealed.

I look at Cornelius. He looks like a merman out of water. I do believe the word "gob smacked" comes to mind. And this, my friends, is the reason Cornelius Fudge is Minister of Magic. The man is, if nothing else, a genius. I wonder if the sarcasm is obvious.

What? What did he say? How can he sit there and say "No harm done"? Whoa! What was _that_? The hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end. As I glance around the room, Padfoot whines. I look down at him. He is looking over at Harry. Calm down, Harry. Think Remus, think. Harry has to calm down before he does something he'll later regret. I feel like banging my head on the wall.

As I look up, trying to decide which wall to use, I realize the situation is back under control. Mere moments ago there was an extremely tense, chaotic situation. There was wind where there shouldn't be any and the lights were flickering on and off. Now, there is an entirely different one. Harry is now sitting on the floor with his face buried in Padfoot's shaggy coat. Fawkes sings from his perch.

I vaguely hear the others in the room talking but my attention is solely on the two on the floor. When I finally pull my gaze from them, I notice we are now alone. I see something on Albus' desk, something with my name on it. He had to have left it like that on purpose. I pick it up and read:

_Remus,_

_I know you're wondering where we disappeared to. I thought the three of you deserved some time alone after Cornelius' poor choice of words. We will be in the Great Hall when you're ready. _

_As for Sirius, he may join us in either form he feels most comfortable with. Yes, even as himself. Very shortly, there will be a special edition of the Daily Prophet sent out, one declaring Peter Pettigrew alive and Sirius innocent. I am sure that that will ease all your minds._

_Albus_

I feel as if the weight of the world has suddenly been lifted off my shoulders. What starts off as a grin, soon becomes a full grown laugh as I begin to imagine the reaction of people when they hear the news. I'm still chuckling as the image of Severus literally blowing up enters my mind. I hand Sirius, who is back as himself, the note. As I watch the emotions flicker across the face of the person I have loved for more than fifteen years, tears flow freely down my cheeks. I whisper the five most heartfelt words I have ever had the pleasure of saying. Welcome home, Sirius, welcome home.

Fin


End file.
